koh samui - Where's Byrne?

koh samui

22.08.2011 – 29.08.2011 Sunny 34 °C

By now we were already getting a bit sick of the islands even though we had three more up next before we planned to hit Bangkok. We left Koh Lanta for Koh Samui on the understanding it was four – five hours, as told to us by the bird who sold us our ticket back at the Lanta resort. Thirteen hours later we arrived in Chaweng, a town in Samui, the lying bitch. It was four – five hours travelling yes, but we had eight hours sitting around in total waiting for connecting buses. Arseholes.

B had picked out this hostel called ‘The Wave’ from our Lonely Planet. As we got in there, two backpacker girls were walking out with packs on back and told us there were no rooms. A fat English bloke came over, who I presume was the owner and said ‘we only have the penthouse room available for 1600bt’. That’s £32 approx. Penthouse? We’d walked into a hostel. What kind of hostel has a penthouse? He continued ‘It’s peak season you see and you can’t expect a cheap room turning up at 8 o’clock at night’. Prick. I said to him ‘it’s peak season just in Samui is it?’ (fanny), which, actually, it was, the last week of it anyway. After thirteen hours travelling I wasn’t in the mood and told the snotty bastard to poke his fucking room.

We followed the two girls who had just left The Wave across the street, struggling to keep up with them as they were being frogmarched by a Thai bloke. We knew they needed a room so thought they may have an idea. It was pissing down with rain by now. As we caught up, it turned out we were right. 400bt for a room for the night with shared bathroom. It was a no frills place with just a bed and a fan in a square white room but what can you expect for £8 in the rain at that time of night? I carried on chatting to the two girls, Caroline and Kerry from Germany, and we thought we might be better off teaming up when looking for a better place to stay in the morning as quite often the more of you and the longer your stay, the cheaper it is. I’m glad we did, as they were a real laugh. We ended up spending the next five days together staying at a place for 350bt a night. We rented bikes, and visited a crap waterfall, went out for meals and out on the lash, which was excellent. Cue more cigar smoking. Unfortunately the girls left to go back to Bangkok and onto Germany leaving me suffering once more just with B.

Before they left they told us a horror story with a typical humerous Thai twist. There were originally three of them travelling but the third girl had unfortunately fallen ill. While walking bare foot over some dodgy stretch of beach, parasites had managed to get into her feet. She’d gone to hospital because of the itching, swelling and pain. Soon all of the veins in her feet had puffed up and turned bright red but the worst was yet to come, while she was in the hospital all the parasites decided to break out. This was horrific enough to have them arrange a flight for her back to Germany. But before she could fly she had to spend two nights in Chiang Mai hospital. She was being cared for by various nurses, one of which decided to wake her early one morning around 1am. The nurse didn’t tell her what she wanted but motioned for her to get up and dressed. The girl didn’t understand what was happening but presumed she was moving rooms. The nurse helped her along a corridor then carried her IV bag attached to the trolley down the stairs for her, the other end of the tube attached to a needle and still in her hand, through reception and out of the hospital. At this point the German girl, whose name I’ve forgotten thought she must be being transferred somewhere by ambulance, however they continued across the car park and out of the gates turning onto the street where they walked along for a few minutes, with the nurse still not saying anything to her. Next she helped her up a few steps and through some sliding doors into a 7/11, this was her destination. The nurse, unable to leave her unattended was hungry so had dragged her out, wearing only a hospital gown, to pick up some snacks. She’d even asked the German girl if she wanted anything to eat.

B and I stayed in Samui for a couple more days simply because we became comfortable, not because it was a great island. To me it’s very overrated and rammed with family tourists. There are prams everywhere. It’s similar to Phuket in some ways and also reminds me of Benidorm what with the western bars and restaurants available. It’s one of those places that should be seen for yourself but having done it, I wouldn’t go back. Verdict: Miss. Next Pha-ngan.

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